How Attachment Styles Show Up in Mediation.
What You Should Know.
It’s not a shocker that the relationship dynamic and struggles didn’t end once you decided to go your separate ways. They actually follow you right into the mediation room. This isn’t about being right or wrong and mediation isn’t the time to lean into that narrative. Attachment Styles are important to understand because it will help you address the barriers to making an agreement.
Let’s discuss the types and how they show up during mediation.
Anxiously Attached - People who have an anxious attachment style tend to look for external validation, are people pleasers, are less assertive and struggle with emotional regulation. In mediation, unless awareness has occured, the party will agree to things prematurely and will not be assertive enough to ask for what they want and need to settle on a agreement.
Avoidantly Attached - Avoidants tend to stay in a prolonged state of indecisiveness. They are rather quiet but explosive when pushed to make a quick decision. In mediation, these people stonewall, ask for more time and space therefore prolonging the process. However, with more structure they are able to understand the flow with no surprises. Preparation before mediation is the key for a successful outcome.
Fearful-Avoidant - The fearful-avoidant has a little bit of anxiousness and avoidance. In mediation they tend to float between the two making it difficult to reach an agreement. It becomes as push and pull dynamic in the mediation room causing frustration for both parties.
Securely Attached- The securely attached person is assertive, has a better understanding of communication while not being conflict averse. They understand that healthy conflict is a part of life and fairness is subjective. They are able to understand that they don’t have to agree with another person’s viewpoint but they can respect it and work towards middle ground.
The best mediation outcomes happen when a commitment to preparation is a priority. If you would like to have a strategic consultation, please schedule a session.